Ramblings... ..

Thoughts from the Seaside

I had a feeling that the clouds above me at home had moved inland leaving the ocean sky clear and, as there’s no moon, dark. I was right.

I imagine that what would convince me to move south to LA is their beaches at night. Here. Right now. The night is basically perfect, but that’s rare. Perhaps down south is the key. Time to arrange for another visit.

Would rather be riding it off, but since I can’t at this juncture, a stress cry seems the most appropriate. 

Joys of Producing-

Moment #let’s say 73: That moment when you finally get a break from text messages and emails to grab the second and very necessary cup of coffee. 

Tough Couple of Weeks

Life has been quite crazy as of late. Things always seem like they’re going up and then something crazy will happen that will bring me back down. Right now, it’s that I feel like a shit friend towards one of my best friends. I’ve had to bail on him nearly a handful of times in the last couple of weeks and he’s been really cool and patient about it, but I can tell that he’s being really patient about it, which is awesome and probably one of the reasons we’re friends. I feel like shit about the whole thing. Granted, much of it has been somewhat out of my control and just come up, but I don’t typically bail and I never bail so often. I hate being flaky.

I’m just rather unsure about what the F to do with my life right now. There’s some stuff going on that I will not speak about on the internet or to pretty much anyone because it’s super deep and personal. It’s also weird to have something going on that I can’t really bring most of my friends into. Maybe once I know more in a week or so. 

Alfie is dead. Needless to say, way too little sleep, and, mostly, over confidence are to blame, but my car is gone. I’m very lucky to have family support in terms of borrowing a car for work things and being in a position, for once, to be able to find and acquire an awesome road bike so I can get around, but it still totally sucks. 

I’m sure it’s one of those blessing in disguise things… (Facts: 1. Been trying to get into better shape and have therefore wanted a road bike for a while anyways. 2. Registration was due and car was at the end of it’s lease, so was going to be re-financing at the end of the month. 3. Still inconsistently employed 4. No mas car = no mas car bills. 5. I did not hit anyone in the process or end up dead or in hospital) …but it still completely blows! I loved that car, which is a problem in itself since it’s a material possession that has nothing to do with anything outside of it’s false placed association with freedom. 

There’s also stuff going on with my passion project that I can’t really talk to anyone about and am super frustrated with. Like, walk away completely from, frustrated. Not how I roll when it comes to passion, which is why these feelings are speaking eery volumes.

So anyways.. all of that chaos is going on. Meanwhile, while being partially employed keeps the family off my back a bit, it also creates a constant sense of chaos and a bit of insecurity as to how things are going to play out in the future. I SHOULD be looking at it as an extension of freedom; an opportunity to explore and not be tied anywhere. It is also yet another unknown. I feel like I’ve been attracting quite a few of those recently. In the scheme of things, unknowns are fantastic. They lead to exploration and adventure. But too many at once and my brain starts to implode. 

Blah. So emo. Even I’m bored with myself right now. Enough reflective whining. Photo time!